How to Stay Strong in Your Decision to Abstain from Sex Before Marriage
Q: I have been sexually active. About a year ago, I made the decision to stop having sex till I got married. It wasn’t really funny because my boyfriend didn’t believe me. He thought I was cheating on him. To stay committed, I started avoiding being alone with him. A few weeks later, he broke up with me! I have avoided relationships since then but I find that whenever I am ovulating I get so needy for sex. Other times in the month, I am good. But, whenever I am ovulating, it is so hard to focus! How do I stay true to my decision? – I.Y
A: Hmmmm, I hear the strength and struggle in your question. Going from being very active sexually to abstinence can look more difficult than it really is. Especially because your body is used to getting sex whenever you feel like it. It’s a journey that requires deep surrender to God, an awareness of the triggers, and consistent dependence on God.
Here are some pointers on how you can stay committed to your decision:
- Daily Surrender to God: This is probably the most important because, girl, you can’t do this alone. In your own strength. No, you can’t. Every day when you get up, turn all your desires and concerns about this over to God. Tell him you trust Him to help you. You have to continually receive His strength and remind yourself that He is your source of power, especially during moments of temptation.
- Accountability and Support: Find a group of trusted ladies or a mentor who can walk alongside you, pray with you, and hold you accountable. Sometimes, just knowing someone is praying for you and will keep you accountable can make a huge difference.
- Don’t let your guard down: the bible says for you to “avoid every appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Girl, this means that before it even becomes full blown evil, while it’s just taking shape, RUN! Don’t meddle with evil. You know you’ve made this decision, don’t yield to the urge to go visit a dude alone. This sounds old fashioned and like you’re prude and old fashioned but, you and I know how those things quickly escalate. RUN, girl, RUN!
- Focus on your why: Keep your eyes on the bigger picture. Abstinence isn’t just about saying “no” to temptation or about feeling good, but about saying “yes” to God’s plan for your life and your future marriage. Keeping your reason for abstinence in mind can help you stay grounded when the pressure comes.
- Avoid Triggers: Identify situations, places, or people that make it harder for you to stay on track, and try to minimize or eliminate those triggers. Create boundaries that protect your heart and body. You may need to cut some people off.
- Practice Self-Love and Care: Be happy with, in and by yourself. Build habits that make you feel fulfilled. Serve. Get involved in helping and doing things for others. Find a church community that helps you grow and where you can use your gifts and talents to serve others, explore your hobbies, exercise, or just spend time in nature. Be intentionally happy. When you’re healthy emotionally, you’ll be stronger to handle those moments of temptation
- Grace for Yourself: On the very tough days, remember that God’s grace covers you. The journey is not perfect, but His mercy is always available if you fall. Don’t beat yourself up too hard if you make a mistake. Just get back up and keep trusting in Him.
Finally, remember this: there will be naysayers, those who will say to you that it is no big deal. Those who will say you’ve made a foolish decision. Those who will try to tell you about their sexcapades and how you are missing. They’ll try to tell you EVERYONE is doing it and God doesn’t mind. They’ll send you IG videos from popular people saying you need to confirm he can satisfy you sexually before you say yes to that man. Oh, they’ll try to make you feel foolish. They’ll tell you you’re judging them when you don’t even say anything to them.
Remember this, everyone is NOT doing it. God minds. Allow the word of God be your guide. People are going to say things contrary to the word of God. Ignore them.
It will all pay off in the end. Hang in there. Like, I typically say, you are not alone.
Chichi A
Thank you for this sis, will share with my single friends
Ulu
Thank you, dear ☺️ I appreciate your stopping by and your support