Question: My daughter was abused when she was 7 by her stepbrother (my wife’s son from a first marriage). Now she’s in her teens, I suspect she’s struggling with masturbation. I’m torn. How do I help her?
Answer (C.E.O, A practicing Family Physician in the United kingdom):
It is important to approach this with sensitivity, keeping your daughter’s well-being at the centre of whatever approach you take.
First and foremost, any struggles she’s facing can’t be separated from the trauma she endured.
A few things to ask yourself:
• How does she feel about this habit? Does she see it as a problem?
• How did you come to know about it? Did she confide in you or your wife? If so, that’s a positive sign-she trusts you.
• Are you the right person to have this conversation with her, or would she feel more comfortable opening up to someone else?

Rather than focusing on the habit itself, focus on her overall emotional well-being. Many abuse survivors already struggle with complex emotional repercussions of shame, anger, attachment disorders , intimacy and self-esteem issues. Reinforce the good in her life. Be someone she can come to without fear of judgment.
Consider seeking professional support, but only with her input. A psychotherapist who understands her background, culture, and personality will make a world of difference. One she feels able to connect with who has a good handle on the peculiar dynamics in her social and cultural environment. A therapy mismatch while well intentioned is worse than no intervention.
Go with whatever approach makes her most comfortable. Let her be part of the decision-making process.
Above all, avoid trying to “fix” her. There are no quick solutions, only a journey toward healing. Be patient, offer unconditional support, and take care of yourself, too. This situation has likely affected you deeply so find a safe space to process your own emotions so you can be there for her.
From a biblical perspective:
As Christians, we’re called to honour God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Scripture teaches that sex belongs within the confines of marriage and is meant to be fulfilling, and without guilt. Masturbation, is a form of sexual relationship with self as the focus . In contrast to the God designed connection with a covenant partner, by contrast, Masturbation fosters a cycle of tension, release, and shame, offering a temporary fix without true satisfaction.
The Bible doesn’t mention masturbation directly, but it warns against self-gratification that leads to guilt or takes us away from God’s purpose. His design isn’t about restriction – it’s about fulfilment. The goal is not condemnation, but guiding your daughter towards healing, self-worth, and a deeper relationship with God.
I pray for wisdom, patience, and grace for both of you on this journey.
Editor’s note(s):
I also suggest that since the abuse was from someone close, the source of the abuse needs to be addressed. Are they still living in the same space? Is there a likelihood this can reoccur, even if not with her but any other people close to you? What has been done to protect other children from potential abuse from this predator?. To ensure others don’t become victims.
Disclaimer: To protect the identity of everyone involved, some information has been modified.