Let’s get real for a second.
Mother’s Day is coming, and while we’re grateful (truly, deeply, we are), some of y’all keep giving us stuff that makes us wonder… Do you even know me?
So let’s make this simple. Here are a list of things mothers absolutely DO NOT want this Mother’s Day (unless you want your name to be replaced with “some people” in every story she tells for the next year.)
Another “Best Mom Ever” mug
Yes, it’s sweet. Yes, we love the sentiment. Yes, we know it is the thought that counts. But also yes, we now have 14 of them. At this point, we could open a “Mug Museum.” Next.
Breakfast in bed (served with a side of chaos)
We love the effort. But if breakfast means burnt toast, spilled orange juice, and a kitchen that looks like it went through spiritual warfare – just… don’t. We’ll take a drive-thru hash brown and peace over scrambled drama.
A Homemade handmade coupon book
Awwww. A free hug? A nap “when available”? Newsflash: You made me those homemade coupons last year. And I never got to use them. They expired the moment I asked for dish duty relief and you said, “Not now, I’m playing PS4 or I am watching a game on TV.”
A Vacuum Cleaner
Repeat after me: A cleaning appliance is not a gift. It is a threat. A message. A cry for help. So, unless that vacuum comes with a housekeeper and a personal chef, return it immediately.
A Last-Minute card from the Gas station
Nothing says “I forgot until I saw the flowers by the Snickers bar” like a card with a weird glitter rose and a generic message signed “Love, me.” No. Just no.
Half-Eaten Chocolates
Why is it that every year, I open the box and 3 truffles are already missing? Was it quality control? Or did my “gift” come with a built-in tax?
A “surprise” family photo shoot… which I planned
Let me get this straight: I booked the photographer, styled the kids, got everyone dressed, packed snacks, and still managed to show up looking like I didn’t survive a hurricane. And this is my gift?
Me Time (That lasts 4 Minutes and 28 Seconds)
You said “Take the day off, Mom.”
So I sat down.
Then, someone yelled “Moooom, I can’t find my other shoe!”
The baby ate a crayon.
Someone started crying (could’ve been me).
Next thing I know, I’m back in the trenches with a lukewarm cup of tea.
A spa set from the clearance bin
We love self-care. But if the bath bomb fizzes like Alka-Seltzer and the lotion smells like expired bubblegum… we’re good. We don’t want eczema for Mother’s Day.
Absolutely nothing
You… forgot? On the one day designed to say “thank you” for all the sleep we’ve lost, tears we’ve wiped, snacks we’ve sliced diagonally?
BOLD MOVE, COWBOY.

So, what DO Moms actually want?

A Nap. A real one
No interruptions. No guilt. Not the fake kind where you “watch the kids” but still come in every 10 minutes asking where the wipes are. Or asking where the teaspoons are. The real type.
Food we didn’t cook or share
Take us out or bring it in – just let us eat it while it’s still hot. And no, we’re not giving you a bite. If you want a bite for you or the kids, please buy extra. T for thank you.
A Clean House We Didn’t Clean
We don’t need a gift-wrapped vacuum. We need someone else to use the vacuum. And maybe light a candle afterwards.
A compliment that isn’t “You’re so strong”
Try: “You are the glue that holds this house together, or you’re the crayon that colours all our lives bright and also the reason we don’t live in filth” See? Simple.
24 hours where nobody calls our name unless it’s followed by ‘Here’s chocolate’
You want to see us cry happy tears? Just whisper, “Hey, Mama… I got the laundry.”
To summarise it, Moms don’t need grand gestures. We just want to feel seen, celebrated, and maybe slightly spoiled. So this year, skip the crusty bath bombs and give us something radical: Time. Peace. And carbs (Yes, carbs)
Happy Mother’s Day.

P.S. Remember to call your mom and wish her a happy mother’s day.