Dear Mum of Tweens,
You’re not crazy. You’re just raising someone who’s halfway to independence but still sleeps with a Uni, their stuffed animal. Welcome to the tween years – where  bold and confident on the outside meets with a sprinkle of, “do they like me?” on the inside and big dreams come with bigger attitudes.
I know it’s an unusual phase. You know, one minute you were sure you had got the hang of this motherhood biz and the next minute your child who latched on to every word you said as the absolute truth starts to question everything. Much more now when AI is right there to contradict you and they have several (online) models to compare your parenting style with. One minute they want to cuddle on the couch, the next they’re storming off into their bedroom because you “don’t understand them.” (Spoiler: You do. You’ve just lived long enough to know better that what they think they so desperately need is NOT good for them.)
But take heart, mama. You’re not alone, and more importantly, you’re not failing.
In recent times, I have had my fair share of questions. My fair share  of quiet moments where I questioned if I knew what I was doing. I got irritated, raised my voice, and just lost it. Each time I had those episodes, I reminded myself that I was learning. I was growing. I, too, am evolving.
You have to remember that this is a sacred, stretching, and sometimes screaming season. And God is in it with you. These years are not about perfection they’re about planting, praying, and persevering.

5 powerful ways to thrive as a Christian Mum of tweens

Pray first. Respond later
Tween drama can catch you off guard. But before you raise your voice, raise your prayers. Ask God for wisdom on what’s really going on in their hearts – because their behaviour is often just a symptom. If you’re like me, after some sessions of yelling, you feel that gentle nudging in your heart ”was that really necessary”
Try this instead: Whisper a prayer like, “Lord, help me respond, not react. Show me what they’re not saying.”
Talk less. Listen more
It’s tempting to go off on a well prepared lecture. You know that colleague in a meeting that loves hearing his voice? (rolling eyes) Don’t be like him. Tweens need safety, not well aligned sermons. Be a soft place to land – even when they’re behaving like prickly porcupines.
Try this instead: Create “connection pockets” like chatting in the car on the way somewhere, folding laundry together, random chats while they do that (mildly annoying) pacing around your room, or bedtime check-ins. They often open up when it’s not a big talk.
Set Boundaries, not battles
Yes, discipline matters, but so does the relationship you are building with them. Pick your battles wisely. Don’t let every eye roll become a war zone. Every thing they do is not an affront against you. Pick your battles.  
Try this instead: Set clear expectations with grace. “I love you, and I expect kindness in our home, even when we’re upset.” or ”I love you, but speaking to me that way will never be acceptable, no matter the situation”
Model what you want them to copy
Do you want your tween to be calm, kind, and Christlike? Show them what that looks like in your own life. They’re watching you more than you realize.
Try this instead: Let them hear you say “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” It teaches them more than 1,000 devotionals or praise and worship sessions!
Keep Jesus at the centre
Don’t worry if family devotionals feel awkward or if your tween says, “This is boring.” The goal isn’t perfection – it’s presence. Every scripture, every prayer, every worship song is a seed. Remember, Proverbs 22:6 Keep planting the seed. When they grow, when you least expect it, the harvest of righteousness will be clear for all to see.
Try this instead: Let your tween lead prayer sometimes. Or read a short Bible verse together and talk about it casually over breakfast.
Create Tech boundaries TOGETHER
Instead of just imposing screen limits, or auto logging them out using the family link (I will be honest, I go overboard sometimes. There’s something about the family link and being able to remotely log out a kid on a laptop miles away that makes me feel ultra powerful like I am launching a rocket into outer space!), involve your tween in setting healthy tech boundaries. It helps them take ownership and feel respected.
Try this instead: Try a “Tech Agreement”-a simple, signed commitment to honor screen time limits, no devices at dinner, and no phones in bedrooms at night.
Laugh often – especially at yourself
Tweenhood is a different phase for everyone – including parents. Don’t pretend you know it all. When you make mistakes, lighten the mood with humour.  Laughter builds connection and eases tension.
Try this instead: Share funny childhood stories (oh, did you forget you were like this just a few years ago. And, truth be told, you probably did worse!) The stories help make you more relatable.
Affirm their identity in Christ
Your tween may be wrestling with who they are. Keep reminding them who they are and whose they are. Speak life into their insecurities with scripture-based encouragement.
Try this instead: Write Post-It notes with affirmations like “You are God’s masterpiece” (Eph. 2:10) and stick them on mirrors or lunchboxes. Let the knowledge of who they are in God blank out every other voice.
Create Mini Traditions
Routines create emotional security. Even the silly ones.
Try this instead: Have “Friday Pizza Praise Night” or “Saturday Morning Devos & Donuts.” Little traditions become big memories. In my home, we have ”Friday movie nights”. We watch movies and curl up on blankets in the sitting room. After the movie, we sleep off on the spot. A bit random but those 8 hours of messing the living room up have built lots of warm memories for us.
Lastly, find a Mum mentor or be one
You’re not meant to do this alone. Seek out a godly mum who’s a little further ahead or support another mum walking the same road with you. Talk together, pray together, encourage each other.
Try this instead: Start or join a small prayer group with other mums of tweens – even just once a month.

Dear mama, you are not raising a perfect child

God doesn’t expect you to be a perfect Mum. You are raising a soul, one ‘’mum-ent’’ at a time. That’s holy work. Keep going. Keep laughing. Keep leaning into God.
And remember: this phase isn’t forever, but your influence over their lives is.
Heaven is cheering you on. And so am I.
With lots of love,
A fellow warrior Mum in stretchy pants and God’s grace