(A note to the woman navigating work, worth, and asking why it feels harder than it should)
A while ago, I came across a Columbia Business School case study that stayed with me. You know how in a movie, a detective solves a crime and the neighbour goes, “Aha, I knew I wasn’t crazy. There was something going on next door…!’’
That was how I felt when I read this case study. Because, sometimes, you wonder if the sentiments are figments of your imagination.
Before I go off, I am referring to the Howard vs Heidi Case study. (Please, go look it up. Just google the text). Same CV. Same success. Same leadership story. But one story was about Howard. The other, about Heidi.

The students rated Howard as likeable, competent, and someone they’d want to work with.
And, Heidi? She was also seen as competent but not as likeable. In fact, she was labelled as too aggressive. Too driven. A little too extra for their liking.
And it had me thinking, ‘well, there we go again’
Have you ever led a project, or come up with a suggestion, or spoken so passionately about something and suddenly you were told to tone it down, you were acting extra. Well, congratulations, you were a real life Heidi!
If you’ve ever led something, spoken up, tried to solve a problem, or asked for what you deserve and found yourself suddenly “too much,” you’ve experienced that Heidi/Howard tension in real life.
Please be honest:
Have you ever walked into rooms where your ideas were praised… until they realized the person behind them wasn’t who they expected.
Or shared firm opinions only to be called “intense,” while someone else, saying the exact same thing with a deeper voice was labelled “sharp.”
This makes me reflect:
As women, especially Christian women, why do we carry this pressure to walk like we’re on a tightrope?
Be confident, but not too confident.
Be assertive, but not too assertive.
Be ambitious, but only in a nurturing, non-threatening, self-sacrificing way that doesn’t shake the table too much.
And if we’re not careful, we begin to question ourselves.
Maybe I am too bold.
Maybe I should tone it down.
Maybe I’m not likable enough.

But hear me: you were never called to be universally liked.
You were called to walk in truth, with love.
You were called to build, lead, serve, and speak – faithfully, not fearfully.
You were called to show up, not shrink.
You were called to obey, not perform.

This reminds me of a post I wrote not long ago: “Everyone doesn’t have to like you.”
Not because you’re rude or reckless. But because even your grace can unsettle those who were only ever comfortable with you being small and hidden away.
And that’s okay.
Jesus wasn’t liked by everyone.
Neither was Esther. Or Deborah. Or Priscilla. Or Paul. Or even Mary – imagine being misunderstood for carrying a calling no one else could see.

So if you’re dealing with friction today…
At work.
In leadership.
In ministry.
In a space where your presence feels like a question mark instead of an answer…
Remember this: They may like Howard. They may prefer Howard. But God called you.
And He’s not confused. He’s not second-guessing. And He’s not intimidated by your boldness, brilliance, or voice. In fact, He gave you those things.

You don’t have to hustle to be accepted.
You don’t have to dilute to be digestible.
You don’t have to compromise to climb the ladder.
And you certainly don’t have to keep explaining why you’re not arrogant, just competent.

Let them misunderstand you if they must.
Allow God vindicate you.
And keep walking.
It will all come together soon.
All in His time.

If you’re dealing with friction today, know this:
You’re not crazy.
You’re not alone.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re becoming the version of you that no longer bends to bias, because she’s standing on something stronger.
Faith.
Purpose.
Clarity.
And the quiet confidence of a woman who knows: even if they don’t like me, He chose me anyway.